From WeebWiki, the weeb encyclopedia
"Nothing feels quite as lonely as being around people my own age. They seem so put together and at ease, when they talk to eachother they are so quick-witted and comfortable in the presence of one another. It blows my mind, and it makes me happy for them, but it also upsets me immensely because I have never been like that and I feel so behind on things.
I have people at school who are kind and supportive towards me, and I am grateful in regards to that. But what exactly do I offer them in return? I rarely participate in conversation, and when they address me I am a complete mess. I want to stop being so reliant of people on the internet but at the end of the day the internet is the only place that provides me with people I can talk to comfortably, because nobody is physically there. I can talk to a camera or type my feelings with ease, but when it comes to the real deal I contribute absolutely nothing.
So here I am, surrounded by people enjoying eachother’s company and sulking about how alone I am because no matter how many chances they give me, and how understanding they are, I can never give myself that final push to be myself around them and say what I’m thinking. At most I make small talk or discuss a common interest, but nothing more. It’s become quite tedious and emotionally draining never being anybody and constantly biting my tongue in fear. But it’s all I ever do. I know that this is not true loneliness and that there is far worse out there, people who remain isolated for years with no outside interaction, men who will never feel the touch of a woman, my problems pale in comparison. But I still find myself feeling so empty and alone in the world.
I keep telling myself I will grow out of it, but I say that every year and nothing changes, so I guess I’m just stuck in this stagnant state for now.
I hope you are having a good day.